


Number 26B and the Lesbian Rabble

by l0st1nw0nd3rland



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bisexual Remus Lupin, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay Sirius Black, Humour, M/M, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l0st1nw0nd3rland/pseuds/l0st1nw0nd3rland
Summary: Moony (13:36)I’m going to get you back for this you knowAll of youMoony (13:37)And you won’t know when I’m going toBut just know I’m not letting this slideProngs (13:38)nah Moony youre bluffingPadfoot (13:39)don’t be so suremoony doesn’t bluff remember?Wormtail (13:40)no, moony im sorryit was all prongs ideaWormtail (13:41)i woz dragged into itMoony (13:42)I don’t care***A texting fic showcasing the highs and lows of the marauders and their wider group of friends as they navigate their second year of universtiy.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	1. Remember when I told Lily that James had gonorrhea?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my Lockdown 3.0 project!
> 
> I managed to get through the first lockdown in the UK by reading a heck ton of wolfstar fics (especially the texting ones!) so I thought I'd give writing my own one a bit of a go...
> 
> Just a quick note, it is set in 2021 and i have completely ignored the pandemic and all as I wanted to live vicariously through my comfort characters a little bit... sue me.
> 
> [You can find me on tumblr here!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/l0st1nw0nd3rland) I'm trying to post more (what a New Year's Resolution, ay?) but feel free to give me a cheeky follow, I'll probably post updates about the fic there because it's my first venture into anything multi-chaptered!
> 
> I do hope you enjoy!

**Private Chat between Moony and Padfoot--15/01/21**

**_Padfoot (12:32)_ **

so, you've got a monster cock?

**_Moony (12:35)_ **

You what?

**_Padfoot (12:35)_ **

there’s a sign in the courtyard

**_Padfoot (12:36)_ **

has your number attached

says you’ve got a monster cock and to call for a thorough shagging

**_Moony (12:38)_ **

Are you being serious?

**_Padfoot (12: 39)_ **

re, i am always sirius

**_Moony (12:40)_ **

Don’t fuck with me right now, Padfoot

**_Padfoot (12:40)_ **

yes i’m telling the truth

**_Moony (12:42)_ **

I am going to kill James

You’ll be the only potter child left

**_Padfoot (12;43)_ **

as much as effie and monty like me, i don’t think they’d want me as their only child

why james?

**_Moony (12: 47)_ **

Remember when I told Lily that James had gonorrhea? He told me he’d get me back for it, and I guess now he has

**_Moony (12:48)_ **

So now he must die

**_Moony (12:52)_ **

Where in the courtyard?

**_Moony (12:54)_ **

Pads?

**_Moony (12:55)_ **

Where the fuck is this sign, I’ve looked everywhere

**_Moony (12:57)_ **

This isn’t fucking funny anymore

**_Moony (12:58)_ **

I’m going to assume you were nice and took it down for me

**_Moony (13:00)_ **

Why the fuck aren’t you replying?

**_Moony (13:14)_ **

PADFOOT

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY ROOM?!

_(Read 13:15)_

  
  
  


**The Marauding Marauders--15/01/21**

**_Moony (13:19)_ **

You’re all dead to me

**_Wormtail (13:20)_ **

i had a v small part in this

**_Moony (13:20)_ **

They made you look out, didn’t they Wormy?

**_Wormtail (13:21)_ **

…

no

**_Moony (13:22)_ **

I’ll say it again:

You’re all dead to me

**_Prongs (13:23)_ **

#sorrynotsorry

**_Moony (13:23)_ **

I’ll make you fucking sorry Prongs

**_Moony (13:24)_ **

How the ever loving fuck did you even manage to wrap everything in my room in fucking cling film?

My lecture was only two hours long

**_Padfoot (13:25)_ **

we will never tell

**_Moony (13:26)_ **

The girls helped you, didn’t they? I swear I’m the only one with a lecture this morning

**_Prongs (13:27)_ **

definitely not

this was a marauder prank we didnt involve outsiders

**_Padfoot (13:27)_ **

a magician never reveals his secrets

**_Moony (13:28)_ **

You’re not fucking magic, Pads

**_Moony (13:29)_ **

What did you bribe them with then? Was it at least worth it?

**_Prongs (13:30)_ **

Moony anything would have been worth seeing your face when you walked through the door

**_Moony (13:31)_ **

You set a camera up too?

Fuck all of you

**_Padfoot (13:32)_ **

maybe later ;)

**_Wormtail (13:33)_ **

at least u wouldnt have to wash ur bedsheets if u shagged on them because theyre covered in cling film

u could just take it off when ur done and ur good to go

**_Moony (13:34)_ **

Ah yes, Peter, I’m definitely bringing someone back to the flat to shag on my CLING FILM COVERED BED in my CLING FILM COVERED ROOM

They’d think I was some kind of serial killer

**_Padfoot (13:35)_ **

*mama I’m in love with a criminal*

**_Moony (13:36)_ **

I’m going to get you back for this you know

All of you

**_Moony (13:37)_ **

And you won’t know when I’m going to

But just know I’m not letting this slide

**_Prongs (13:38)_ **

nah Moony youre bluffing

**_Padfoot (13:39)_ **

don’t be so sure

moony doesn’t bluff remember?

**_Wormtail (13:40)_ **

no, moony im sorry

it was all prongs idea

**_Wormtail (13:41)_ **

i woz dragged into it

**_Moony (13:42)_ **

I don’t care

**_Wormtail (13:43)_ **

ill help you de clingfilm

**_Moony (13:44)_ **

No, you’ve all made your beds. You can lie in them

**_Prongs (13:46)_ **

Moony

think about this

you live with us

hurting us would be dangerous

**_Prongs (13:47)_ **

how would you pay the rent

**_Padfoot (13:48)_ **

let’s not be rash, we don’t want a repeat of first year

**_Moony (13:49)_ **

Well, if you didn’t piss me off, we wouldn’t have this problem

But oh no, someone just had to get me back for telling Lily that James had gonorrhea

**_Prongs (13:50)_ **

well you didn’t have to do that, did you

she got me pamphlets Moony

fucking pamphlets

I had to get you back

**_Prongs (13:51)_ **

but sorry Moony

**_Moony (13:52)_ **

If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it

Honestly the sign in the courtyard would’ve been funnier

**_Wormtail (13:53)_ **

i did make one we just never put it up

u couldve shagged someone with ur monster cock on ur cling filmed sheets

**_Prongs (13:54)_ **

youve gotta admit it was funny though

**_Moony (13:56)_ **

Lily’s response was funnier than mine

I almost want to see this poster, Wormy, but please delete it or just get rid of it

**_Moony (13:57)_ **

If you were really committed, you would’ve wrapped everything

You didn’t even touch the things in my drawers

**_Padfoot (13:58)_ **

well we didn’t want to go through your delicates

**_Wormtail (14:00)_ **

i told them not to

invasion of privacy n all that

**_Moony (14:01)_ **

Since when have you lot cared about privacy?

**_Prongs (14:03)_ **

sorry well try harder next time

well do the poster in the courtyard instead

promise

**_Moony (14:04)_ **

There better not be a fucking next time

**_Padfoot (14:05)_ **

scouts honour

**_Wormtail (14:06)_ **

u werent a scout pads

**_Padfoot (14:07)_ **

it’s the thought that counts

**_Prongs (14:07)_ **

no

no it isnt

**_Moony (14:08)_ **

I’m still going to kill you all

Say your goodbyes now

**_Prongs (14:09)_ **

but i havent even been on a date with Evans yet!!!

**_Moony (14:10)_ **

You should’ve thought of that before

**_Wormtail (14:11)_ **

for what its worth it woz an honour to be ur friend

**_Moony (14:12)_ **

Yeah, an honour you all abused

**_Padfoot (14:12)_ **

it was nice knowing you all

_(Read by all 14:19)_

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Moony and Lilypads--15/01/21**

**_Moony (14:27)_ **

Will you come help me plot revenge against the boys and unwrap my room?

**_Lilypads (14:32)_ **

Of course Re

I’ll bring snacks

**_Moony (14:33)_ **

You’re my favourite

Because I know you didn’t help them

**_Lilypads (14:34)_ **

I wouldn’t have even if they paid me

That was just Marlene and Dorcas

It wasn’t sophisticated enough for my taste

**_Lilypads (14:35)_ **

They didn’t even wrap everything

#amateurhours

**_Moony (14:36)_ **

I knew I could trust you

Now let’s get the fuckers back

**_Lilypads (14:37)_ **

What if you just didn’t?

**_Moony (14:37)_ **

Lilypads, how devious

**_Lilypads (14:39)_ **

Well, I ain’t just a pretty face

Just leave them waiting anxiously while they grovel, and then do nothing

See how long they all last and how much you can milk out of them

**_Moony (14:40)_ **

You’re the best

**_Lilypads (14:41)_ **

I know ;)

**_Moony (14:41)_ **

Now get your ass over here with chocolate

**_Lilypads (14:46)_ **

Omw

_(Read 14:47)_

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Padfoot and Prongs--16/01/21**

**_Prongs (21:34)_ **

you dont think Moony will stay mad forever do you

**_Padfoot (21:35)_ **

i wouldn’t be so sure

him and evans have been in his room for hours now doing something

i reckon they’re scheming

i think he’s going to get us good

**_Prongs (21:36)_ **

Lilypads is still in there ??

shes been in there agesss

what the hell have they been doing for that long ??

**_Padfoot (21:37)_ **

making sweet sweet love probably

can’t hear a lot but moony must be good because evans sounds loud

**_Padfoot (21:38)_ **

tough luck prongsie looks like you missed your shot

**_Prongs (21:39)_ **

dont even joke about that Pads

you know Moony wouldnt

**_Prongs (21:40)_ **

and anyway our dearest Lilypads offered to let me take her on a date if i manage to beat her mark in an exam

ive never tried so hard at fucking anatomy

**_Prongs (21:41)_ **

weve got a quiz next week ive studied so hard for it should be criminal

but im hoping !!!

**_Padfoot (21:42)_ **

okay calm down

i already know about your stupid bet with our wonderful evans

you tell me about it every bloody day

**_Prongs (21:43)_ **

sorry

i just get excited

**_Padfoot (21:44)_ **

i know prongsie

which is why i hid evans notes the other day so she can't revise

**_Padfoot (21:45)_ **

#teamjily

**_Prongs (21:46)_ **

no !!!

thats cheating Pads

**_Padfoot (21:38)_ **

will it make you feel better if i said moony was the one who actually nicked them

it was just my idea

**_Prongs (21:39)_ **

Moony would never

he doesnt want me and sweet Lilypads to be together

**_Padfoot (21:41)_ **

surprisingly he does

but you didn’t hear it from me

**_Padfoot (21:42)_ **

he’s probably just sick of hearing you pining

**_Prongs (21:43)_ **

i dont pine

**_Padfoot (21:45)_ **

yeah

yeah you do

**_Prongs (21:46)_ **

i do not !!!

**_Padfoot (21:47)_ **

i’ve been listening to you since the start of first year

believe me you pine

**_Prongs (21:48)_ **

there is only one way to sort this

**_Padfoot (21:49)_ **

we will settle this as men

**_Prongs (21:50)_ **

meet you downstairs for our rocket league tournament in a minute??

**_Padfoot (21:50)_ **

may the best man win

_(Read 21:52)_

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Moony and Lilypads--16/01/21**

**_Moony (08:21)_ **

Thank you for your help oh wonderful Lilypads

I slept well on my unwrapped sheets last night

**_Lilypads (08:37)_ **

You mean you read wonderfully for half the night on your unwrapped sheets

Your light didn’t go off till like, 3am

**_Moony (08:42)_ **

Not my fault

**_Moony (08:43)_ **

George Orwell and his existential words were calling to me

**_Lilypads (08:49)_ **

Fucking Orwell again? I’ve half a mind to pull a Ray Bradbury and Fahrenheit 451 that book

How many times have you read it now?

**_Moony (08:52)_ **

That is not the point

**_Lilypads (08:56)_ **

Your unwillingness to answer tells me it’s far more than what you should’ve

**_Moony (09:01)_ **

I can’t help that his words are so important in the twenty first century

In a world where Donald Trump was president, and the tories are fucking over the working class, the immortal words of Orwell’s (in my opinion) greatest novel are needed now more than ever

**_Lilypads (09:17)_ **

Do we need to get Dorcas here so you can talk politics together?

**_Moony (09:18)_ **

No, my rant is over

**_Lilypads (09:21)_ **

Good

Now get your ass down here for breakfast, Potter made pancakes

**_Moony (09:23)_ **

He only made them because they’re your favourite

**_Lilypads (09:25)_ **

Oh I know, but I might as well reap some benefits from the situation

**_Moony (09:27)_ **

Always the devious one

**_Lilypads (09:32)_ **

;)

**_Lilypads (09:35)_ **

Seriously though get them while you can. I think Peter has already shovelled away about seven

**_Moony (09:38)_ **

Save me some chocolate chip ones!

**_Lilypads (09:39)_ **

Do you not know me at all?

I’ve got some waiting for you already but Peter’s eyeing your plate up so be quick

**_Moony (09:41)_ **

I love you

**_Lilypads (09:42)_ **

I knew there was a reason you’d stuck around for so long

**_Moony (09:45)_ **

It is for your ability to supply me with chocolate and that alone

Definitely not because you’re my best friend

**_Lilypads (09:46)_ **

You know you love me

**_Moony (09:46)_ **

xoxo Gossip Girl

**_Lilypads (09:47)_ **

And that’s why you’re my favourite

Now come on

**_Lilypads (09:48)_ **

I can only listen to these boys for so long alone, and Mary isn’t up yet

**_Moony (09:49)_ **

I will be there to supply moral support in just a second

_(Read 09:51)_

  
  
  


**Number 26B and the Lesbian Rabble--16/01/21**

**_Marls (11:36)_ **

Oi

It is a saturday

**_Moony (11:39)_ **

Why, Marlene, what an astute observation

**_Marls (11:40)_ **

Fanks for the sarcasm Re, much appreciated

But it’s saturday!! Saturday means squad movie night

**_Lilypads (11:42)_ **

God, Marls, ‘squad’ makes us sound like teenagers

**_Dori (11:45)_ **

Well its not like she can say gang, none of us are at all threatening

**_Moony (11:46)_ **

Speak for yourself, some of us are from state schools

Me and Lilypads are hard as nails

**_Lilypads (11:47)_ **

Oh yes

Scariest people around

**_Padfoot (11:49)_ **

if anyone is part of a gang it's me and prongs

we’re tough as shit

**_Lilypads (11:51)_ **

I beg to differ

Wasn’t it you two that needed me and Remus to get rid of a spider?

**_Prongs (11:52)_ **

definitely not me

**_Padfoot (11:53)_ **

in my defence that spider had more than eight legs

and it was huge

**_Wormtail (11:54)_ **

thats wot she said

**_Padfoot (11:55)_ **

hats off to you wormy very nicely done

**_Marls (11:56)_ **

You guys are getting off topic!!!

MOVIE NIGHT

**_Moony (11:57)_ **

Well it’s not like any of us lead tantalizing social lives

Of course we’ll all be there

**_Lilypads (11:58)_ **

Count me in! It’ll be nice to get back to our movie nights, it’s only the first week back and my assignments are killing me

**_Prongs (11:59)_ **

well my beautiful Lilypads there is one exam in particular you dont have to work as hard on

**_Lilypads (12:01)_ **

Don’t even mention it Potter

We aren’t going there

**_Prongs (12:02)_ **

okay okay im stopping

but just so you know im revising very hard

**_Lilypads (12:02)_ **

As am I Potter, as am I

**_Moony (12:04)_ **

Alrighty boys and girls, let’s calm it and resume to the important matter at hand

What film are we going to watch?

**_Padfoot (12:05)_ **

it’s my turn to pick

**_Marls (12:05)_ **

It was my turn to pick

**_Padfoot (12:05)_ **

no marls it was my turn

**_Marls (12:06)_ **

No it was definitely my turn

We pick in alphabetical order and lily chose the last one before christmas

**_Lilypads (12:07)_ **

I did in fact go last, I made you watch 10 things I hate about you, remember?

**_Padfoot (12:08)_ **

it seems i was mistaken

**_Marls (12:09)_ **

Ha!

Suck on that

**_Padfoot (12:10)_ **

i wish i could be sucking on something :(

**_Moony (12:11)_ **

That was entirely inappropriate, Padfoot

**_Padfoot (12:11)_ **

tis part of my charming personality ;)

**_Marls (12:12)_ **

Gross, dick jokes

You’re soooo gayyyy

**_Padfoot (12:13)_ **

Says the lesbian stereotype

**_Marls (12:14)_ **

You’ve got me there

**_Prongs (12:15)_ **

now that youve all got your minds out the gutter.. you can all come over at 7 and well order some takeaway or something

unless moony wants to cook because i know i dont ???

**_Lilypads (12:16)_ **

You say that as if we’ve all got to trek over, half of us will already be there

**_Prongs (12:17)_ **

i said it to be nice to Marls and Dori

just make sure youre home

**_Moony (12:19)_ **

I’m definitely not cooking

I’ve been writing an essay all day

**_Prongs (12:20)_ **

takeaway it is !!

**_Prongs (12:21)_ **

what does everyone want ??

**_Lilypads (12:22)_ **

Chinese

**_Marls (12:22)_ **

Chinese

**_Dori (12:23)_ **

Chinese

**_Moony (12:23)_ **

Chinese

**_Padfoot (12:23)_ **

i want indian :(

**_Prongs (12:24)_ **

tough shit

chinese it is

**_Padfoot (12:25)_ **

:((

**_Marls (12:25)_ **

It’ll be an evening of disappointment for you, Siri so better get used to it

I’m picking the film!!

**_Padfoot (12:26)_ **

:((((((((

**_Marls (12:27)_ **

See you at 7!!

**_Lilypads (12:27)_ **

Can’t wait!

_(Read by Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, Marls and Dori 12:43)_

**_Mare-Bear (15:09)_ **

Been at the cafe all day--sorry for the late reply!! Cant wait for later :)

  
_(Read by all 15:46)_


	2. Murder is fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we see absolute chaos on the group chat, the beginnings of jily, and prongs has some sad boy hours

**Number 26B and the Lesbian Rabble--18/01/21**

_ Padfoot changed the chat name to ‘Murder’ (15:17) _

_ Prongs changed the chat name to ‘Ambush’ (15:24) _

**_Lilypads (15:34)_ **

Guys what the fuck?

_ Padfoot changed the chat name to ‘Snack’ (15:37) _

_ Prongs changed the chat name to ‘Prickle’ (15:42) _

**_Padfoot (15:46)_ **

well you lot all said yesterday we can’t use the words squad or gang to collectively describe the people in this group chat

so me and prongsie are getting creative

**_Lilypads (15:57)_ **

And you’re using what instead, exactly…?

**_Padfoot (14:02)_ **

cmon red you're smart you should know what these are

**_Prongs (14:06)_ **

me and Pads have had a lot of fun researching

**_Moony (14:13)_ **

Collective nouns for animals… really?

From what I see it’s only Padfoot that belongs in a zoo, why have you involved the rest of us?

**_Padfoot (15:15)_ **

first of all rude

**_Padfoot (15:16)_ **

second of all we think it’s fitting

**_Moony (15:20)_ **

I think it’s just you two that think that

**_Prongs (15:21)_ **

how rude Moons

dont you want to hear the rest of the list???

**_Padfoot (15:22)_ **

some of them sound like complete bs

but they’re all very fun

**_Lilypads (15:26)_ **

Wait wait wait

A prickle of porcupines I get

And I know it’s a murder of crows

**_Lilypads (15:27)_ **

But a snack? An ambush?

**_Moony (15:27)_ **

A snack is a group of jellyfish and an ambush is a group of tigers

**_Padfoot (15:28)_ **

moony how the fuck do you knwo this shit

**_Moony (15:29)_ **

I was bored a lot as a small child

**_Prongs (15:29)_ **

well now i feel useless

**_Prongs (15:30)_ **

is it too late to ask for suggestions from the wider group???   
  


**_Moony (15:31)_ **

It was too late when you changed the name the first time

**_Lilypads (15:33)_ **

No wait I want to hear more

I’m curious now

**_Padfoot (15:34)_ **

crash of rhinos

**_Prongs (15:34)_ **

nuisance of cats (even though cats are lovely)

**_Padfoot (15:35)_ **

cats are not lovely

nuisance is perfect

**_Moony (15:36)_ **

Unkindness of ravens

**_Padfoot (15:37)_ **

i was gonna say that one next!! :(((

**_Moony (15:37)_ **

Too late

**_Prongs (15:37)_ **

parade of elephants

**_Lilypads (15:38)_ **

I’m googling some now too, these are fun

**_Padfoot (15:38)_ **

cloud of bats

**_Prongs (15:39)_ **

cauldron of bats

**_Padfoot (15:40)_ **

wow just had to one up me on the same animal didn’t you

**_Moony (15:41)_ **

Parliament of owls

**_Padfoot (15:42)_ **

flamboyance of flamingos

**_Lilypads (15:43)_ **

Mob of kangaroos

**_Prongs (15:43)_ **

surely that’s not real

**_Lilypads (15:44)_ **

Google says it is

**_Marls (15:45)_ **

A mob of kangaroos sounds like the only valid one

They’re vicious

**_Dori (15:46)_ **

^^ what my wonderful girlfriend said

Lils is definitely right there James

**_Prongs (15:47)_ **

if you insist

nice of you to join the discussion finally

**_Dori (15:47)_ **

Sorry we were otherwise occupied

**_Marls (15:47)_ **

;)

**_Padfoot (15:48)_ **

ew

**_Moony (15:49)_ **

As if you aren’t more graphic in your descriptions, Pads. At least they were somewhat euphemistic about it

**_Padfoot (15:50)_ **

whatever

**_Lilypads (15:52)_ **

Conspiracy of lemurs

**_Prongs (15:52)_ **

tower of giraffes

**_Marls (15:53)_ **

Pandemonium of parrots

**_Dori (15:53)_ **

Gaggle of geese

**_Mare-Bear (15:54)_ **

Cowardice of dogs

Although that seems unfair, because most dogs don’t seem cowardly to me

**_Padfoot (15:55)_ **

dogs are definitely not cowardly that's not right

**_Moony (15:56)_ **

What exactly are we trying to accomplish with this? We aren’t seriously going to use one of these, are we?

**_Padfoot (15:57)_ **

yes

yes we are

**_Lilypads (15:58)_ **

I’ll only agree if we use a good one

**_Prongs (15:59)_ **

all of them are good Evans

we can take a vote or something

**_Moony (16:00)_ **

Do we have to?

**_Padfoot (16:00)_ **

yes

yes we do

**_Marls (16:03)_ **

I like flamboyance, personally

**_Dori (16:04)_ **

My vote is for snack

We’re all fuckin snaccs here

**_Peter (16:07)_ **

ur all so fkin weird

i like gaggle

**_Lilypads (16:09)_ **

I like murder

**_Prongs (16:11)_ **

all voting for different ones isnt helpful

**_Moony (16:12)_ **

I’m with Lily, if we have to pick any, murder is the best

**_Padfoot (16:14)_ **

i personally like flamboyance also

**_Prongs (16:15)_ **

Mary wanna tie break???

**_Mare-Bear (16:16)_ **

Murder is fun!

**_Marls (16:17)_ **

Out of context mary strikes again

And lily too come to think about it

**_Dori (16:18)_ **

Even remus

Murder is the best

**_Prongs (16:19)_ **

and this is why we can’t have nice things

**_Padfoot (16:20)_ **

murder is cool

_ Padfoot changed the chat name to ‘Murder’ (16:20) _

**_Peter (16:21)_ **

lol

**_Moony (16:22)_ **

You’re all at the top of my murder list

**_Lilypads (16:22)_ **

Hey! Fucking rude

**_Moony (16:23)_ **

Except for you Lilypads, you’d be my partner in crime

**_Lilypads (16:24)_ **

The next Bonnie and Clyde

**_Prongs (16:25)_ **

but bonnie and clyde shagged...

**_Lilypads (16:25)_ **

Yes, and?

**_Prongs (16:25)_ **

no comment

**_Marls (16:26)_ **

I’m a lesbian, and even I know lily and remus would make the hottest couple in this group

except for me and dori of course

**_Dori (16:27)_ **

Ly baby

We’re very hot

**_Padfoot (16:29)_ **

i personally think me and prongs would be the hottest couple

if only he liked men

**_Prongs (16:30)_ **

if it had to be any man Pads im sorry but it would be Moony

**_Moony (16:31)_ **

Erm, thanks?

**_Padfoot (16:32)_ **

now that’s just cold

**_Lilypads (16:33)_ **

Feel betrayed yet?

**_Padfoot (16:33)_ **

only a little

**_Prongs (16:34)_ **

you know i love you Pads

**_Padfoot (16:34)_ **

seems like it

**_Lilypads (16:35)_ **

Come on boys, make up

**_Lilypads (16:37)_ **

Actually wait, the house is always quieter when you’re not friends

Stay mad at each other

**_Moony (16:37)_ **

Seconded

**_Padfoot (16:38)_ **

this is treason

**_Prongs (16:39)_ **

treachery

**_Padfoot (16:39)_ **

i forgive you prongsie if it'll piss the rest of them off

**_Prongs (16:40)_ **

accepted

lets go play video games really loud

**_Padfoot (16:41)_ **

my work can wait

down in five

**_Moony (16:42)_ **

Shit

**_Lilypads (16:43)_ **

What have we done?

**_Mare-Bear (16:44)_ **

Nice try guys, it almost worked this time!

**_Peter (16:47)_ **

can i come 2

**_Prongs (16:49)_ **

yeah we have no grievances against you

**_Padfoot (16:50)_ **

the other controller is yours

**_Peter (16:52)_ **

sick

**_Moony (17:04)_ **

I’m going out for hot chocolate

Anyone (normal) want to join?

**_Lilypads (17:07)_ **

Omw

**_Marls (17:11)_ **

Me and dori will meet you there

**_Mare-Bear (17:13)_ **

It’ll be nice to get away from this bloody reading, I’ll come too!

**_Moony (17:16)_ **

Lils, Mary see you in a minute, Marls, Dori, see you in ten at Pudifoots

**_Dori (17:18)_ **

Cool cool

**_Peter (17:25)_ **

can u bring us bck sumthin

**_Lilypads (17:32)_ **

For you Peter, yes of course

**_Prongs (17:38)_ **

and for me and Pads???

**_Moony (17:41)_ **

Get your own

**_Padfoot (17:43)_ **

rude

**_Moony (17:47)_ **

Such is life, Pads

Get used to it ;)

**_Padfoot (17:51)_ **

:(((

_ (Read by all 18:58) _

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Moony and Prongs--21/01/21**

**_Prongs (19:26)_ **

Moonyyyyy

oh my wonderful Moonyyyy

**_Moony (19:35)_ **

Yes?

**_Prongs (19:36)_ **

i need help

**_Moony (19:39)_ **

With what?

**_Prongs (19:39)_ **

revising

**_Moony (19:40)_ **

Our courses are so different, how the fuck would I be helpful?

**_Prongs (19:41)_ **

youre a good teacher!!!

youre the best at quizzing me

**_Moony (19:42)_ **

I’ve helped you like, once

**_Prongs (19:43)_ **

youve helped me more than that

you just know the best questions to ask to make sure i understand everything

**_Moony (19:45)_ **

Do I have to?

**_Prongs (19:45)_ **

well no

but i would appreciate it a lot

**_Moony (19:46)_ **

This is for your anatomy quiz, isn’t it?

**_Prongs (19:47)_ **

yes!!!  
only the most important test i will ever have to take in that bloody class

in any class ever come to think of it

**_Moony (19:49)_ **

You’re lucky I actually want you and Lily to get together

**_Prongs (19:50)_ **

you do???

**_Moony (19:51)_ **

Well, yeah

I think you’d be good for eachother

**_Moony (19:52)_ **

Lily would calm you down, and you’d get Lily to venture out of her comfort zone which she can be bad at sometimes

**_Prongs (19:52)_ **

i thought you didnt approve

**_Moony (19:54)_ **

Of course I approve

I’d like to think I know you guys well enough to know that you’re pretty much perfect for eachother

**_Prongs (19:55)_ **

oh

**_Moony (19:56)_ **

The only thing I don’t approve of is your constant pining and Lily’s constant complaining about your failed attempts

**_Prongs (19:56)_ **

i humbly apologise

**_Moony (19:57)_ **

Accepted

**_Prongs (19:58)_ **

now will you help me???

**_Moony (20:00)_ **

What’s in it for me?

**_Prongs (20:00)_ **

the joy of knowing two of your best friends will have a lifetime of happiness together???

**_Moony (20:01)_ **

Is that really enough for me though?

**_Prongs (20:02)_ **

it should be

but if not

i will also supply you with a months worth of chocolate

**_Moony (20:03)_ **

You are aware of how much chocolate I eat, right?

**_Prongs (20:04)_ **

yes

and honestly a date with Lily would be worth it

**_Moony (20:05)_ **

That’s dedication

**_Prongs (20:06)_ **

shes worth it

i think shes my soulmate Moony

**_Moony (20:07)_ **

Bloody hell, fine

**_Prongs (20:08)_ **

thank you!!!

**_Moony (20:10)_ **

But if you tell Lily I’ve helped you she will murder me

And you too probably

**_Prongs (20:11)_ **

of course not

test is tomorrow so we better get revising

**_Moony (20:14)_ **

Can I just say something before I help you, because it’s unlikely that I’ll say this to you in person

**_Prongs (20:14)_ **

yeah of course

**_Moony (20:15)_ **

Don’t hurt her, please

**_Moony (20:16)_ **

I know you like her a lot and have done since we started uni, but she’s my best friend Pads and I love her more than anything. She deserves the world and I know you want to give that to her and more, but she’s giving you a huge chance here. She doesn’t open up her heart to a lot of people and you can’t abuse that

**_Prongs (20:16)_ **

i wont

**_Moony (20:17)_ **

Don’t promise me, just prove it please

**_Prongs (20:17)_ **

i want to spend my whole life proving it Moony

**_Prongs (20:18)_ **

maybe at first it was a stupid crush and i know i defintely acted like an idiot

but ive never felt this way about anyone Moony

the last thing i want to do is hurt her

**_Moony (20:20)_ **

Alright good

That reassures me

**_Prongs (20:20)_ **

we all good???

**_Moony (20:21)_ **

Yeah of course

When do you want me?

**_Prongs (20:22)_ **

now???

**_Moony (20:23)_ **

I’ll be in your room in two

**_Prongs (20:23)_ **

thank you Moony!!!

_ (Read 20:25) _

  
  
  


**The Marauding Marauders--22/01/21**

**_Prongs (11:12)_ **

about to take the anatomy test lads

wish me luck

my whole future depends on this

**_Padfoot (11:13)_ **

goodluck arsehole

may your dick finally find its way into evans’ pants

**_Prongs (11:14)_ **

okay too far

but thank you

**_Moony (11:14)_ **

Good luck

**_Wormtail (11:24)_ **

gud luck

_ (Read by all 11:29) _

  
  
  


**Girls and Gays--22/01/21**

**_Lilypads (11:12)_ **

Okay so my plan to drop a few marks on this test should be successful and shouldn’t affect my overall grade too much if at all

**_Moony (11:13)_ **

James is going to be besides himself

**_Marls (11:15)_ **

I cant believe youve made him work this hard to go on a date with you even though you’re going to let him win this stupid bet

**_Lilypads (11:16)_ **

I've gotta make him work for it

It helps me to know if he's actually serious or not

**_Moony (11:17)_ **

Oh he's serious alright

**_Lilypads (11:18)_ **

Well I know that now

**_Mare-Bear (11:20)_ **

He’s revised so hard bless him

Although I will move out if he asks me to be a lifesize body for revision material again!

**_Moony (11:22)_ **

Rather you than me

At least you weren’t up till stupid o’clock asking him questions

**_Lilypads (11:24)_ **

Okay okay we get it

The guy likes me

**_Dori (11:25)_ **

it’s been over a year since he first started to like you, why are you relenting now?

**_Lilypads (11:26)_ **

Because he’s not that bad once you get to know him

And he’s actually quite fit

**_Marls (11:27)_ **

that’s high praise coming from you lils

**_Lilypads (11:27)_ **

I know, so shut it

I don’t actually like him, I just want to put him out of his misery, really

**_Marls (11:28)_ **

Sure sure

Now go in there and fail your test so we can stop hearing james pine over you

**_Moony_** **_(11:29)_**

Good luck Lilypads

_ (Read by all 12:20) _

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Moony and Marls--22/01/21**

**_Marls (11:29)_ **

£10 says she realises she likes him after the first date

**_Moony (11:30)_ **

Despite how unethical this is I’m calling after the third date at least

**_Marls (11:31)_ **

You’re on

_ (Read 11:31) _

  
  
  


**The Marauding Marauders--22/01/21**

**_Prongs (13:32)_ **

well i dont want to jinx it

but i think ive smashed it

**_Moony (13:45)_ **

With how much you’ve made me help you, you bloody better have

**_Moony (13:46)_ **

Do you know when you’ll get the results?

**_Prongs (13:46)_ **

with any luck next week

so keep your fingers crossed please

the result will literally decide whether or not ill go on a date with my future wife

**_Padfoot (13:48)_ **

if she’s really your future wife you'll find a way to date her even if she beats you in this test

**_Moony (13:52)_ **

We all know how competitive Prongs is

He probably couldn’t handle it if she got a better score than him

**_Prongs (13:53)_ **

im aware my beloved lily is much more intelligent than i am so it is quite likely she will beat me

however moony is right im competitive so if im gonna get a date out of her its gonna be through some competition

**_Prongs (13:53)_ **

and this would be as good a time as any

**_Wormtail (14:24)_ **

Gud luck m8

**_Prongs (14:26)_ **

thank you Wormy

the only supportive friend i have

**_Moony (14:37)_ **

Oi

Wormtail wasn’t up till midnight quizzing you

**_Padfoot (14:38)_ **

oi

i’m plenty supportive

**_Moony (14:38)_ **

If anything I’m the most supportive friend you have

**_Prongs (14:41)_ **

you both have your merits

but ol Wormy was the only one to be supportive in the moment so i stand by my statement

**_Padfoot (14:42)_ **

well fuck you then

**_Prongs (14:44)_ **

i bet you'd like that wouldnt you ;)

but alas my dick is reserved for my fiery redhead

**_Moony (14:46)_ **

That was not a mental image I needed

**_Prongs (14:47)_ **

you got it anyway

_ (Read by all 15:04) _

  
  
  


**Girls and Gays--22/01/21**

**_Lilypads (13:34)_ **

So the test was piss easy

I’ve intentionally dropped ten marks in the hopes that James isn’t that unintelligent and ten marks is enough for him to only just beat me

We can only hope

**_Marls (13:45)_ **

We’ll all keep our fingers crossed for the boy

**_Dori (13:46)_ **

Good luck to james!

**_Moony (13:47)_ **

James thought it went okay too…

There’s hope for him yet!

**_Mare-Bear (13:49)_ **

He’s fairly intelligent (i think) so he can’t have done that badly, surely

  
**_Marls (13:54)_ **

Idk mary, he can be pretty stupid when he wants to be

**_Moony (13:57)_ **

He’s book smart when he applies himself, not common sense smart

There’s a very big difference

**_Dori (14:03)_ **

Plus when he’s with Sirius the two combine and only have one shared braincell and that’s when he’s at his most stupid

**_Lilypads (14:10)_ **

I thought you guys wanted me to be with him

You’re not bigging him up very well

**_Marls (14:12)_ **

You bigged him up enough earlier

What was it… ‘he’s actually quite fit’??

**_Lilypads (14:13)_ **

Shut it

Anyone with eyes would say that

**_Moony (14:19)_ **

It’s difficult to call James fit when I’ve seen him in ways no one should ever see another person

**_Dori (14:21)_ **

Don’t tell lily that, re! She’ll call the bet off and poor james will never have a chance

**_Moony (14:22)_ **

I’ll be shutting up now

**_Lilypads (14:27)_ **

No Re, tell me more

**_Moony (14:31)_ **

The person you have contacted is not available right now, please try again

**_Marls (14:32)_ **

Lmao

**_Dori (14:34)_ **

Who tf even says that anymore??

**_Lilypads (14:36)_ **

The love of your life, Dori

You should be ashamed of her

**_Dori (14:37)_ **

Oh I am

**_Marls (14:38)_ **

:((

_ (Read by all 14:59) _

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Prongs and Lilypads--22/01/21**

**_Prongs (17:23)_ **

so my wonderful Evans

howd you find the test today???   
  


**_Lilypads (17:34)_ **

Oh it was easy, I think I might’ve got close to 100% but I don’t want to jinx it

**_Prongs (17:35)_ **

oh

**_Lilypads (17:35)_ **

How did you find it?

**_Prongs (17:36)_ **

fine

**_Lilypads (17:38)_ **

Just fine? You mean it’s unlikely you’ve done better than me?

**_Prongs (17:39)_ **

well i didnt say that

**_Lilypads (17:41)_ **

But you don’t seem too confident in yourself there… regretting the terms of the bet yet?

**_Prongs (17:42)_ **

you never know i might just do it

**_Lilypads (17:43)_ **

I’ll believe it when i see it

**_Prongs (17:43)_ **

we only have a week of waiting you know

**_Lilypads (17:44)_ **

I know

It’s probably a good thing you’ll be put out of your misery so quickly

**_Prongs (17:45)_ **

or ill know i have a date with you soon

**_Lilypads (17:47)_ **

Whatever helps you sleep at night

**_Prongs (17:48)_ **

only dreaming of you does that my sweet

_ (Read 17:50) _

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Moony and Prongs--22/01/21**

**_Prongs (18:13)_ **

Moony

Mooooonyyyyyyyyyy

Mooooooooooooonnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**_Moony (18:20)_ **

What?

**_Prongs (18:21)_ **

do you think i made the right choice??

**_Moony (18:23)_ **

Right choice in what?

**_Prongs (18:24)_ **

this bet with Lily

shes so much better than me in class i dont know why i thought i had a chance

**_Moony (18:25)_ **

I think you have made the right choice, Prongs. You’re a lot more intelligent than what you give yourself credit for sometimes

**_Prongs (18:26)_ **

i know and i know im smart and capable and whatever and my teachers in school all said i was clever and shit but this is different you know??

this test was really important and i really applied myself but what if it wasnt enough

what if im not good enough for Lily and this test proves that??

**_Prongs (18:27)_ **

if i cant do well enough in this how am i ever going to be good enough for her

**_Moony (18:29)_ **

Woah woah woah

Let’s slow down a minute, yeah? Can you take some deep breaths for me James?

**_Prongs (18:30)_ **

yeah i can

**_Moony (18:32)_ **

You really don’t give yourself enough credit, you know? You’re incredibly capable, and with how much you’ve revised for this test, everyone has noticed your dedication. In all honesty James I’ve never seen you work this hard for something and that speaks volume to how ‘enough’ you are for Lily

**_Prongs (18:33)_ **

yeah i guess

**_Moony (18:33)_ **

You’ve only got a week to wait, yeah? Try not to think about it too much until you get the results back and then we’ll talk again and take it from there

**_Prongs (18:34)_ **

yeah

**_Moony (18:35)_ **

We’ll do something with the lads tonight to take your mind off it?

**_Prongs (18:35)_ **

yeah

**_Moony (18:36)_ **

It’ll be okay no matter what happens, I promise

**_Prongs (18:38)_ **

ok

_ (Read 18:38) _

  
  
  


**Private chat between Moony and Padfoot--22/01/21**

**_Moony (18:37)_ **

Oi you twat

Sort your best friend out please

**_Padfoot (18:39)_ **

you what

**_Moony (18:40)_ **

Prongs is having a meltdown and I would appreciate the assistance in sorting him out

He’s talking about his feelings. He barely ever does that with me and I’m scared

**_Padfoot (18:42)_ **

oh shit

**_Moony (18:43)_ **

Yes

Oh shit indeed

**_Padfoot (18:43)_ **

what do you want me to do?

**_Moony (18:44)_ **

We need to have a Marauders games night

**_Padfoot (18:45)_ **

leave it to me

**_Moony (18:46)_ **

I knew I could count on you

**_Padfoot (18:46)_ **

you can always count on me baby ;)

_ (Read 18:47) _

  
  
  


**The Marauding Marauders--22/01/21**

**_Padfoot (19:05)_ **

MARAUDERS

YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED IN THE LIVING ROOM IN TEN MINUTES

PROJECT GET PRONGS GROOVE BACK IS A GO

**_Prongs (19:06)_ **

this is unnecessary

**_Padfoot (19:07)_ **

no prongsie it is completely one hundred percent necessary

**_Prongs (19:08)_ **

fine

**_Wormtail (19:11)_ **

sounds good

b there soon

**_Moony (19:12)_ **

I’ll be down in a minute, I’ve just got to finish this reading

_ (Read by all 19:15) _

  
  
  


**Private Chat between Padfoot and Prongs--23/01/21**

**_Padfoot (00:17)_ **

oi you wanker

**_Prongs (00:17)_ **

what

**_Padfoot (00:18)_ **

moony hasn’t got us back yet

should we be scared?

**_Prongs (00:19)_ **

shit i hadnt thought about that

its been a week

**_Padfoot (00:20)_ **

i know

it's been ages and that’s why i think we should be scared

**_Prongs (00:20)_ **

maybe he forgot??

**_Padfoot (00:21)_ **

it’s moony he’s got a memory like an elephant

him forgetting is unlikely

**_Prongs (00:22)_ **

shit yeah

**_Padfoot (00:23)_ **

what do we do then?

i can’t keep waiting around for something to happen like this

**_Prongs (00:24)_ **

maybe if were nice enough then hell let us off

**_Padfoot (00:24)_ **

doubtful

but we can only live in hope

**_Prongs (00:25)_ **

we didnt take it too far did we??

**_Padfoot (00:25)_ **

nah we didn't even wrap everything

definitely not too far

**_Prongs (00:26)_ **

okay good

**_Padfoot (00:27)_ **

pranks aside

are you feeling a bit more like yourself now?

**_Prongs (00:28)_ **

yeah ig

i just got a bit overwhelmed?? thats probably the best way to put it

**_Padfoot (00:29)_ **

i get that

it’s alright

**_Prongs (00:29)_ **

i know

**_Padfoot (00:30)_ **

she's just a girl you know

you’re a fucking catch prongs and if she can’t see that then maybe she’s not worth it

**_Prongs (00:30)_ **

no Pads shes not just some girl

**_Prongs (00:31)_ **

shes worth everything

shes the only girl ive ever wanted to take to meet mum and dad

shes the only girl i can see myself marrying

her wit and humour is unparalleled and shes so beautiful pads

**_Prongs (00:32)_ **

like yeah shes bloody fit and so so attractive but shes beautiful

like her beauty goes all the way to her soul

because underneath all the sarcasm and wit i know shes so ridiculously kindhearted

**_Prongs (00:33)_ **

so yeah id say shes worth it

**_Padfoot (00:34)_ **

well fuck me shakespeare are you quite finished?

**_Prongs (00:34)_ **

shut it

**_Padfoot (00:35)_ **

no it’s sweet

**_Prongs (00:36)_ **

was that a mature comment??? after ive just gushed about a girl???

**_Padfoot (00:36)_ **

don’t get used to it

**_Prongs (00:37)_ **

wouldnt dream of it

**_Padfoot (00:38)_ **

;)

**_Prongs (00:39)_ **

is there anyone youve got your eye on then or are you committed to your life of bachelorhood

**_Padfoot (00:41)_ **

my parents messed me up that much i don’t know if anyone is capable of loving me properly

**_Prongs (00:41)_ **

Pads

**_Padfoot (00:42)_ **

what? it’s true

the two people who were biologically made to love me didn’t so how is anyone else supposed to

**_Prongs (00:43)_ **

well thats bs because all of us love you

so that point isnt at all valid

**_Padfoot (00:44)_ **

yeah but loving me as a friend is very different to someone wanting me as a boyfriend

i don’t even know if i can do commitment

**_Prongs (00:45)_ **

i think you can

and im not just saying that because im a hopeless romantic

**_Padfoot (00:46)_ **

eh i’m only young

i’ve got plenty of time to settle down

not everyone finds the love of their life at uni

**_Prongs (00:47)_ **

someone someday is gonna be really lucky to have you pads and i cant wait to be best man at your wedding

**_Padfoot (00:48)_ **

we’ll see

i’ll be best man at yours first i'm sure

**_Prongs (00:49)_ **

Lily would look so good in a wedding dress

**_Padfoot (00:51)_ **

okay time for me to go

too much mushy stuff

**_Prongs (00:51)_ **

love you bro

**_Padfoot (00:52)_ **

i can’t believe you just broed me

but love you too wanker

  
_ (Read 00:52) _


	3. i prefer the term "romatic"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will James finally get to take Lily on the date of a lifetime?

**Private Chat between Prongs and Lilypads--29/01/21**

**_Prongs (15:47)_ **

so i didnt want to ask in class

but how did you do on the exam? 

**_Lilypads (15:53)_ **

I did well! I’m pleased

**_Prongs (15:43)_ **

oh good

**_Lilypads (15:44)_ **

Are you pleased?

**_Prongs (15:45)_ **

oh yeah i am

highest score ive got in that class yet so im pretty happy

**_Lilypads (15:46)_ **

Good

**_Prongs (15:47)_ **

do i have to outright ask you what you got or are you going to keep skirting around the subject

one would think you were nervous Evans

**_Lilypads (15:48)_ **

Just building suspense

Gotta keep you on your toes, Potter ;)

**_Prongs (15:49)_ **

before we ask here is a reminder of the terms of the bet in the name of fairness and all that

**_Lilypads (15:51)_ **

Good, let’s make sure we’re on the same page

**_Prongs (15:53)_ **

The terms of the bet hereby state that if one James (redacted middle name) Potter scores higher on the anatomy exam taken by both parties on 22/01/21, then he gets to take one Lily Jane Evans on a date of his choosing, at a date and time agreed by both parties

However if one Lily Jane Evans scores higher on said anatomy exam, one James (redacted) Potter must stop his advances and flirting with one Lily Evans for the duration of the school year

**_Lilypads (15:56)_ **

Yes that is what we agreed before Christmas

And, I will find out your middle name at some point, you do know that right?

**_Lilypads (15:57)_ **

Enlighten me Potter, let’s see what you got

**_Prongs (15:58)_ **

i scored 90% which honestly even if you have beat me is the best ive ever received at university and im proud of that regardless

and you wont ever find out my middle name from me

**_Lilypads (15:59)_ **

That’s very impressive, Potter, you should be very proud of yourself

I bet you I’ll find it out some day

**_Prongs (16:00)_ **

thank you thank you

now please

put me out of my misery

**_Lilypads (16:02)_ **

I got 89%

**_Prongs (16:02)_ **

have i read that right??

**_Lilypads (16:04)_ **

Probably if you’re wearing your glasses

**_Prongs (16:04)_ **

youre shitting me

**_Lilypads (16:05)_ **

What benefit would I get from lying to you? I don’t exactly want to lose a bet

**_Prongs (16:06)_ **

Evans

**_Lilypads (16:06)_ **

Potter

**_Prongs (16:06)_ **

i beat you?!?!?

**_Lilypads (16:08)_ **

What an astute observation

**_Prongs (16:08)_ **

I WON THE BET?!!!?!

**_Lilypads (16:09)_ **

It would appear so

**_Prongs (16:10)_ **

oh my god

**_Lilypads (16:11)_ **

Don’t freak out on me Potter, as much as I hate to say this you need to take me out on a date

**_Prongs (16:11)_ **

i won’t disappoint you!! ive been planning this for years now!!!

**_Lilypads (16:12)_ **

That’s kind of sad

**_Prongs (16:12)_ **

i prefer the term “romantic”

**_Lilypads (16:13)_ **

Sure sure

**_Prongs (16:14)_ **

is it too soon to ask if youre free this weekend??? i dont want to take up too much of your time but my plan is a whole day kind of affair

**_Lilypads (16:17)_ **

I mean, Sunday works for me? We’ll have movie night tomorrow remember?

**_Prongs (16:17)_ **

sunday it is!!! ill pick you up at 10??

**_Lilypads (16:20)_ **

In the morning? 

**_Prongs (16:21)_ **

well yeah whole day affair remember??

**_Lilypads (16:24)_ **

I don’t know if I can tolerate you for a whole day, Potter but I’ll try

I am a woman of my word after all

**_Prongs (16:25)_ **

believe me Evans after sunday you wont ever want to not be around me

**_Lilypads (16:27)_ **

I’ll believe it when I see it

_ (Read 16:28) _

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**Girls and Gays--29/01/21**

**_Moony (16:09)_ **

I just heard what I can only describe as a girlish squeal coming from James’ room so I can only assume your evil plan worked and he won the bet?

**_Lilypads (16:10)_ **

It was marginal, but yes, he was successful

Pipped me to the post by one percent 

**_Marls (16:21)_ **

FUCKING YES

**_Dori (16:22)_ **

GET INNNNNN

**_Mare-Bear (16:30)_ **

Oh my god yay!!!

**_Moony (16:31)_ **

Charming

**_Lilypads (16:34)_ **

Alright can we calm, I don’t know how I feel about the fact you’re all so excited about Potter beating me

My intelligence feels insulted

**_Lilypads (16:35)_ **

The date is on Sunday and after that I will never have to endure his awful flirting and creative attempts

**_Moony (16:37)_ **

You do realise his flirting is only awful because you make him ridiculously nervous, right?

**_Lilypads (16:39)_ **

Well for his sake I hope he’s not nervous for the whole date then

**_Marls (16:40)_ **

You’re just too intimidating Lils

**_Lilypads (16:41)_ **

Oh ha ha

**_Dori (16:42)_ **

Lily its true

You’re scary as fuck

**_Marls (16:42)_ **

If anything its a miracle james hasnt been scared off yet

**_Lilypads (16:43)_ **

Miracle? More like a fucking shame

**_Lilypads (16:44)_ **

Maybe I wasn”t scary enough

**_Marls (16:45)_ **

No!

You’re scary enough, believe me

**_Dori (16:46)_ **

I honestly dont think you couldve scared james off if you tried

**_Lilypads (16:46)_ **

Eh

**_Moony (16:48)_ **

Do you know what you’re doing for the date yet?

**_Lilypads (16:49)_ **

No, I only know that it’s going to be an all day thing which is unnerving me because I honestly don’t know if I can spend a whole day with Potter without murdering him

**_Moony (16:49)_ **

Harsh

**_Mare-Bear (16:51)_ **

But if you murder him you can’t have adorable babies together

**_Mare-Bear (16:52)_ **

God with your eyes and his hair they’d be unstoppable

**_Lilypads (16:53)_ **

Oh my god Mary I’ve not even been on a date with him yet and you’re talking about our children

**_Moony (16:54)_ **

James has definitely spoke about your children before so this is nothing new to me

**_Lilypads (16:55)_ **

I’m not even going to dignify that with a response

**_Moony (16:55)_ **

He gets weird when he gets drunk

**_Dori (16:56)_ **

Don’t we know it

**_Mare-Bear (16:57)_ **

Don’t get off topic!! What are you going to wear?

**_Lilypads (16:58)_ **

I was just gonna throw something on in the morning after looking at the weather

**_Dori (16:59)_ **

Scandalous

**_Mare-Bear (17:01)_ **

You have to at least make a little bit of effort you know, I feel like you’re not upholding your part of the bet if you don’t

**_Lilypads (17:02)_ **

Are we all forgetting that I don’t actually like him and am only doing this to get him off my back

**_Marls (17:03)_ **

Oh honey youre never gonna get him off your back

**_Lilypads (17:04)_ **

Let me dream, Marls!

**_Marls (17:05)_ **

I just don’t want you to have unrealistic expectations

**_Lilypads (17:07)_ **

What, like his unrealistic expectations that we’re soulmates and we’re going to be married in the future with 2.5 kids and live in house together with a utilities room and a neatly trimmed hedge in the front garden

**_Moony (17:08)_ **

That was oddly specific

**_Marls (17:08)_ **

And you say you haven’t thought about your future together

**_Lilypads (17:09)_ **

I was channelling my inner Potter

**_Marls (17:10)_ **

You won’t have to channel it for much longer, you’ll be a potter yourself

**_Lilypads (17:11)_ **

Stop it before I block you

**_Marls (17:11)_ **

Try me

**_Dori (17:12)_ **

Woah woah cool it ladies

We’re here to be supportive of lily and her date and nothing more

**_Marls (17:13)_ **

Fine

**_Lilypads (17:14)_ **

There’s nothing to be supportive of, it’ll be one date and he’ll realise the version of me he’s dreamt up in his head isn’t at all how I actually am and he’ll quickly get over me

**_Moony (17:15)_ **

I’m not sure how quickly you can get over someone you’ve liked for well over a year but okay Lils, sure

**_Lilypads (17:15)_ **

Sod off

  
**_Mare-Bear (17:17)_ **

I’m coming into your room to pick your outfit sunday morning and you can't stop me!

**_Lilypads (17:18)_ **

Do you have to?

**_Dori (17:19)_ **

Yes!! Yes she does have to

**_Marls (17:19)_ **

If you’re not going to make an effort then we are

**_Lilypads (17:20)_ **

This feels so wrong on so many levels

Shouldn’t I be the one that’s excited about the fact that I'm going on a date?

**_Marls (17:21)_ **

it is what it is

**_Lilypads (17:22)_ **

:/

_ (Read by all 17:30) _

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**The Marauding Marauders--29/01/21**

**_Prongs (17:12)_ **

after taking some time to calm down i would like to inform you all that i won the bet

im going on a date with Evans!!!!!

**_Padfoot (17:15)_ **

we would never have guessed based on the screaming that is currently coming from your room

you’re lucky lily isn’t home yet

**_Moony (17:19)_ **

I’m glad the screaming wasn’t you being murdered

But I was already aware, Lily graciously informed me of her demise

**_Prongs (17:20)_ **

rude of you to think i was being murdered and not come to my rescue but okay

**_Padfoot (17:21)_ **

you’re supposed to be able to protect yourself prongsie you don’t need us to save you

**_Prongs (17:22)_ **

youre saying you wouldnt come to my rescue if i was genuinely being murdered??

**_Padfoot (17:23)_ **

no

you can hold your own

**_Prongs (17:23)_ **

not against an axe wielding murderer

**_Moony (17:24)_ **

If you’ve angered someone enough to come after you with an axe you’re definitely on your own

**_Prongs (17:25)_ **

well that is a lovely sentiment

Wormy would you come to my rescue??

**_Wormtail (17:26)_ **

sry prongs but i dont think id be helpful

**_Prongs (17:27)_ **

well

i need to find new groomsmen

**_Moony (17:29)_ **

I was going to be Lily’s best man anyway

**_Padfoot (17:30)_ **

wouldn’t you be her man of honour instead?

**_Moony (17:30)_ **

I like that better

**_Padfoot (17:31)_ **

thank you

**_Prongs (17:32)_ **

can we get back to the fact i’m going on a date with Evans please!!!

this is important and needs to be commemorated!!!

**_Padfoot (17:33)_ **

sorry prongsie

we’re all very proud

**_Prongs (17:34)_ **

thank you

**_Moony (17:35)_ **

I take full credit for your high mark with how much I helped you revise for it

**_Prongs (17:35)_ **

i owe you

**_Moony (17:36)_ **

I still haven’t received that chocolate

**_Prongs (17:36)_ **

i owe you more then

**_Moony (17:37)_ **

That’s more like it

**_Padfoot (17:38)_ **

why tf is moony getting chocolate? where’s mine?

**_Moony (17:39)_ **

Did you stay up till past midnight helping him revise?

**_Padfoot (17:39)_ **

no

**_Moony (17:40)_ **

Didn’t think so

**_Padfoot (17:41)_ **

whatever

**_Prongs (17:42)_ **

can we please stay on the topic of my date??

**_Padfoot (17:42)_ **

what else do you want us to say exactly?

**_Prongs (17:43)_ **

well now you’ve asked I’m not sure

**_Moony (17:44)_ **

Then why the dramatics?

**_Prongs (17:45)_ **

i just thought there would be a bit more excitement seen as though ive been going on about our resident fiery redhead for over a year now

**_Padfoot (17:46)_ **

i’m just happy this is hopefully the end of all the pining

**_Prongs (17:47)_ **

youve got me there

**_Wormtail (17:48)_ **

where r u taking her

**_Prongs (17:49)_ **

well i wanted to talk to Moony about that because i want to make sure Lily will like it

**_Padfoot (17:50)_ **

you’ve only had a year to plan

**_Prongs (17:50)_ **

well i want to make sure its perfect

**_Padfoot (17:51)_ **

okay romeo

**_Prongs (17:52)_ **

id rather you not refer to me as someone that dies

can i not be like heath ledger in 10 things i hate about you instead

**_Padfoot (17:53)_ **

you're such a sap quoting her favourite film

**_Prongs (17:53)_ **

ive gotta impress the lady

**_Padfoot (17:54)_ **

sickening

**_Wormtail (17:57)_ **

i dont think ur a heath ledger

romeo is better

**_Prongs (17:58)_ **

rude

**_Moony (17:59)_ **

Why must you always ask for my help out of everyone?

**_Prongs (18:00)_ **

as much as I hate to say it, you’re the most in tune with females and what they want

that and you know Lily the best

**_Moony (18:03)_ **

I’m the most in tune with females? Me?

Prongs, when the fuck was the last time I had a girlfriend?

**_Prongs (18:04)_ **

when you put it like that you make me sound stupid

but it is true

**_Wormtail (18:05)_ **

its true moony ur the best with girls

**_Moony (18:05)_ **

HOW??

**_Padfoot (18:06)_ **

it’s your bookish charm ladies dig it

**_Moony (18:07)_ **

I feel like my whole life has been a lie

**_Prongs (18:07)_ **

its sad but true

**_Moony (18:08)_ **

You’re not making me want to help you plan this shit, you should've had it all figured out by now

**_Prongs (18:08)_ **

:(((

**_Padfoot (18:09)_ **

i’ll help you prongsie

**_Prongs (18:10)_ **

sorry Pads but i would quite like Evans to go on more than one date with me

**_Padfoot (18:10)_ **

yeah okay i won't be much help

**_Prongs (18:11)_ **

exactly

which is why i asked Moony

**_Padfoot (18:12)_ **

i see your logic

as the resident gay i have limited abilities with females

**_Prongs (18:13)_ **

you said it

**_Moony (18:15)_ **

I’m literally the least experienced, why the fuck are you coming to me for relationship advice?

Even Wormtail gets more action than me

**_Wormtail (18:16)_ **

hey! fckin rude

**_Moony (18:17)_ **

Sorry Wormy but it’s true

**_Prongs (18:18)_ **

yeah but youre all sensitive to girls needs and stuff

**_Moony (18:19)_ **

Right

**_Prongs (18:19)_ **

will you help me then??

**_Moony (18:20)_ **

Two months’ supply of chocolate or I walk

**_Prongs (18:20)_ **

you drive a hard bargain

**_Moony (18:21)_ **

I’m not hearing a yes there

**_Prongs (18:22)_ **

fine

**_Moony (18:23)_ **

There we go

**_Padfoot (18:23)_ **

i still don’t think this is fair but okay

**_Wormtail (18:25)_ **

i want chocolate 2

  
**_Prongs (18:26)_ **

tough shit

  
**_Padfoot (18:27)_ **

:(((

_ (Read by all 18:37) _

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**Private Chat between Moony and Prongs--30/01/21**

**_Prongs (11:12)_ **

i didnt want to bug you last night

but can you help me plan my date now pleaseeee??

**_Moony (11:23)_ **

Yeah, sure

**_Prongs (11:24)_ **

thank you!!!

**_Moony (11:26)_ **

It’s no bother

If anything I want to make sure your ideas aren’t that outlandish that they drive Lily away

**_Prongs (11:27)_ **

well yes that is why i wanted to check with you

**_Moony (11:28)_ **

Tell me what you’re planning then, and I’ll give you my opinion

**_Prongs (11:30)_ **

i want to take her up to hogsmeade because theres this place called zonkos that is basically like an adult soft play area?? theres slides and a ball pit and it just sounded really cool and i thought it would be fun more than anything

**_Prongs (11:31)_ **

then after theres a few walks through the woods that could be nice and i wanted to get some food to have a mini picnic under the stars because obviously it gets dark really early

hogsmeade is a bit of a drive hence why i thought it would be a whole day thing

**_Prongs (11:32)_ **

do you think thats okay??

**_Moony (11:34)_ **

That is the most you thing ever oh my god   
  
**_Prongs (11:34)_ **

is that a bad thing?? do you think it sounds stupid??

**_Moony (11:36)_ **

I think it sounds good

If you’re going to Hogsmeade, go to the Hog’s Head for your food, Lily loved it there last time we went up and I’m pretty sure they do takeaway

**_Prongs (11:37)_ **

cool okay thank you

**_Moony (11:39)_ **

It’s okay

**_Prongs (11:40)_ **

are you sure it doesnt sound too silly or childish?

**_Moony (11:41)_ **

No, I think Lily needs to let off a bit of steam and I think Zonko’s might be perfect for that

If she gets you in the eye with one of them plastic balls though, don’t blame me

**_Prongs (11:42)_ **

i wont hold it against you i promise

**_Moony (11:42)_ **

Good

**_Prongs (11:43)_ **

thank you for your help Moony

**_Moony (11:45)_ **

Anytime

Just don’t fuck it up

**_Prongs (11:45)_ **

im going to try my very hardest not to

**_Moony (11:46)_ **

Good

**_Prongs (11:47)_ **

sorry im being so annoying i just really want it to go well

ive finally got my chance you know??

**_Moony (11:48)_ **

I know, so it’s fine

I want it to work out too so stop stressing

**_Prongs (11:48)_ **

i’m not trying to be stressy

**_Moony (11:50)_ **

I know

Just the more nervous you get, the more awkward you’ll be on the date, so take some deep breaths.

**_Prongs (11:51)_ **

ill try

i really dont want to fuck this up

**_Moony (11:51)_ **

You won’t if you just be yourself and take some deep breaths

**_Prongs (11:52)_ **

ill try

**_Moony (11:53)_ **

It’ll all go okay you know, Lily isn’t going to know what hit her

**_Prongs (11:54)_ **

thats the plan!! gotta sweep her off her feet

**_Moony (11:55)_ **

How romantic

**_Prongs (11:55)_ **

only the best for Lily

_ (Read 11:56) _

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**Private Chat between Moony and Lilypads--31/01/21**

**_Moony (08:45)_ **

I’ve already told Mary this, but make sure you wear something warm and comfortable for your date today

**_Lilypads (09:27)_ **

Mary’s already picked my outfit

**_Moony (09:31)_ **

Is it warm and comfortable?

**_Lilypads (09:34)_ **

Yes it is

**_Lilypads (09:35)_ **

I’m wearing that oversized green jumper you got me, with those vintage mom jeans I got from that shop in town. Mary insisted I borrowed her grey furry boots too, so I think I’ll be warm

I’ve got a hat and scarf I stole from you ages ago I was going to wear too

**_Moony (09:36)_ **

I was wondering where those went

**_Lilypads (09:36)_ **

Yeah well your loss is my gain and all that

**_Lilypads (09:37)_ **

I assume you know what I’m doing then

**_Moony (09:38)_ **

But of course, James checked it all over with me yesterday

**_Lilypads_ ** (09:39)

That doesn’t surprise me

Do you think I’m going to enjoy it?

**_Moony (09:40)_ **

Now that would be telling, my dear Lilykins

**_Lilypads (09:41)_ **

That’s not fair

**_Moony (09:41)_ **

No, it isn’t, but I don’t want to spoil it

**_Lilypads (09:42)_ **

You wouldn’t be spoiling anything

**_Moony (09:43)_ **

I’m still not telling you

**_Lilypads (09:45)_ **

Urgh, fine!

**_Moony (09:46)_ **

Don’t roll your eyes at me

**_Lilypads (09:47)_ **

How tf did you know I was rolling my eyes?

**_Moony (09:48)_ **

Nearly ten years of friendship, that’s how

**_Lilypads (09:48)_ **

You’ve got me there

**_Moony (09:49)_ **

Make sure you’ve got a good pair of socks on too, I know a lot of yours have holes in so I’m saying this to be sure

**_Lilypads (09:50)_ **

Oddly specific but okay

**_Moony (09:51)_ **

Good

Now go enjoy yourself

**_Lilypads (09:53)_ **

That’ll be hard considering the company

**Moony (09:53)**

Don’t write him off yeah, give the poor guy a chance

**_Lilypads (09:54)_ **

I’m not making any promises

**_Moony (09:55)_ **

Just try for me

**_Lilypads (09:55)_ **

Fine

**_Moony (09:56)_ **

There’s the spirit!

Don’t do anything Pads wouldn’t do

**_Lilypads (09:57)_ **

Charming advice

I’ll be on my best behaviour

**_Moony (09:58)_ **

;)

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_ (Read 09:58) _ **


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